Dad tip #52: Baby still wants to hear you sing!

Waaaaaay back in April when I first started this blog, I posted an article about how "Baby wants to hear you sing and doesn't care how bad you're messing up the song."

About a month and a half later, I'm finding this to be even more true than before. Heck, I'm finding that it's even better when I play guitar and sing, but I'll save that for a post on another day. Anyhow, I figured I'd reiterate that tip and post my wife's verses for the "Hush Little" lullaby (I have no idea what the name of that song actually is):

Hush little {insert child's name} don't you fret,
Daddy's gonna buy you a brand new jet.
On that jet you'll go real far,
Faster than in any car.

Hush little {insert child's name} don't you wail.
Daddy's gonna buy you a boat to sail.
On that boat you'll have some fun,
Playing all day in the sun.

Hush little {insert child's name} don't you boast,
Daddy's gonna make you a slice of toast.
On that toast he'll put some jam,
And perhaps a side of ham.

I figured that was totally worth documenting. I also figured tonight was the perfect night to do it since it's an easier topic to cover. I got home late from work and game 3 of the 2008 NBA Finals is on tonight so a faster post was on the docket. And if you've been following this blog, you'll know how insane I've been about the Celtics.

BEAT LA!

(P.S. If you're looking for that "Frakkin' Toaster" t-shirt, go to Glarkware.)

Dad tip #13: Baby music doesn't have to drive you bat-s**t crazy

Is there some secret rule I don't know about that baby music has to sound low budget, annoying, and quite simply crappy? Certainly any song written for kids has the potential of being annoying on its own -- hello anything that comes out of Barney's big fat yap -- but what about classical music that's positively beautiful in its intended format but instead gets bastardized into something soulless like a deranged tone-deaf Jack-in-the-box made up of spare parts from a 1980s Casio keyboard?

So, let's say for some reason you'd prefer easing your child into "real" music but you'd like something contemporary. And for some reason you'd prefer something more evocative of lullabies and babies, but you'd rather not hear the same old songs over and over again. Well, I found something that may keep you saner: Rockabye Baby CDs. Think lullabized versions of must-have greatest hits albums. Take a look:

In addition to The Cure, The Rolling Stones, U2, Metallica, and The Beach Boys, you can also get your lullaby fix of Bjork, Nirvana, Radiohead, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Bob Marley, and many more. Fundamentally, these albums are also bastardizations of modern classics, but at least they're somewhat more tolerable bastardizations. Maybe it's the novelty factor.

But really, I don't see the issue with playing the original albums in most cases. Oh, for the record, the Nine Inch Nails Rockabye Baby album is waaaaay creepier than the original tracks.

Dad tip #4: Baby wants to hear you sing and doesn't care how bad you're messing up the song

If there were a time in your life that you wanted to sing your heart out with reckless abandon and no fear of embarrassment, regardless of how good or bad your voice is and regardless of whether or not you even remotely know the words, NOW is the time to do it. Baby is not American Idol's Simon Cowell and baby is also not that high school English teacher that forced you to memorize Shakespearean sonnets word for word.

What this means is: Baby wants to hear you sing and doesn't care how bad you're messing up the song. For example, my wife and I have both composed many "alternate" verses to a well-known children's lullaby, but I'll just share with you a few of mine that you're welcome to adapt for your own child:

Hush little {insert child's name} don't you cry,
Daddy's gonna buy you an apple pie.
And if that apple pie is good,
Daddy's gonna buy some vanilla Hood.

Hush little {insert child's name} don't you fuss.
Daddy's gonna buy you a brand new bus.
The bus will have a lot of seats,
Space for apple pie and treats.

Hush little {insert child's name} don't you kick,
Daddy's gonna buy you a car named KITT.
KITT might try to talk a lot,
That's 'cuz he's a car-robot.

We recommend mixing up the lyrics to traditional children's songs, contemporary pop, and even holiday music. Oh, what's that? You want another sample of our lyrical mastery? Try this one on for size (to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree):

Oh {insert child's name}, oh {insert child's name},
You love to fill your diaper.

You like to pee, you like to poop,
You fill it up, I need a scoop.

Oh {insert child's name}, oh {insert child's name},
You love to fill your diaper.

They say that "music soothes the savage beast". Well, it's a lesser known fact that babies are actually the distant cousins of savage beasts. So enjoy making up words and enjoy singing them because your baby will love you for it. Knight Rider's David Hasselhoff will love you for it too.