Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Dad tip#102: Beware the early-rising baby

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Good morning, papa!
Late to bed, early to rise --
That is my motto!
The point of this post is not to have sleep expectations based on how early or how late your child goes to bed in relation to their usual routine. There is an old adage that "sleep begets more sleep" that I believe has a lot of truth to it. While there seems to be more consistency behind that expression than the thought that "the later they go to sleep, the later they should wake up," there really is no universal truth behind the sleep logic of a baby.

(Hmm ... I was just thinking that a funny web site would be one full of "baby logic," but upon investigation I just discovered that there appears to be a cyber-squatter sitting on that domain. Too bad.)

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Dad tip #93: Beware the baby with 'midnight munchies'

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
I sleep through the night
Last night I had the munchies.
WAAAAAH! Give me some food!
We've been VERY lucky as our baby boy has been sleeping through the night for months now consistently. He's had less than a handful of instances where he's woken up in the middle of the night and even fewer incidents where we've had to get up and put him back to sleep.

Unfortunately, we experienced something of an aberration last night. Our boy woke up around midnight and we had a hard time figuring out why he wouldn't go back to sleep. We comforted him, checked his temperature, read to him, sang to him, changed his diaper, and pretty much went through his entire bedtime routine. Before we knew it, an hour had passed and we had yet to successfully put him back to sleep.

Then we (and by 'we', I mean 'my wife') nursed him and fed him some formula; which we were a little hesitant to do since we've been really good about breaking the association of feeding with waking up. But sure enough, after satisfying his midnight munchies and re-re-doing his bedtime routine, our son drifted off to sleep for the rest of the night.

So, the advice here is expect your sleep to be interrupted at some point. And also, cover all your bases if you can't figure out why your kid won't go back to sleep. And try not to have an early morning business call to India (like I did) because you'll be tired.

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dad tip #88: Beware the lamenting baby

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Why, James Posey, why?
Oh, why did you have to leave?
I'm just a baby!
Okay, it's late. I'm not feeling particularly creative. And I'm totally bummed that James Posey left the Boston Celtics for a longer contract with the New Orleans Hornets. I certainly don't blame him; after all, he's got to look out for his family. We just won't be able to replace a guy like that.

If for some reason the Celtics aren't able to win at least one more championship in the next three years, I'll point to this as the reason why. And by then, my son will be old enough to ask, "Why?" and I'll have to explain to the little boy the nature of professional sports as a business and that James Posey (and Danny Ainge for that matter) did what he had to do.

So the advice here is, umm ... something about balancing loyalty and logic or balancing the heart and the mind. Or something like that.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Dad tip #82: Beware the steamrolling baby

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
I can't crawl or walk
But I sure can move, like a ...
Tiny steamroller
When your kid starts rolling, make sure you keep a close eye on him/her. Once they get a hang of it, they'll cross an entire room in the blink of an eye. Just make sure they don't roll over, into, or off of anything bad.


Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Dad tip #81: Beware the baby with ninja-like reflexes and guile

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
I'll open my mouth
To make you think I want food
Ha ha! Got the spoon!
The haiku basically says it all. Though our baby is a mere seven months old, he's developed the ability to strategize ways to get ahold of the spoon. He'll open his mouth as if he wants a mouth full of food and then when you're in as close you can get without actually inserting the spoon in his mouth -- SHAZAM! -- like lightening his hand flashes out and he's got a surprisingly powerful grip on the spoon and there's mush all over his hands.

So the advice tonight is that you too must develop ninja-like reflexes. Work on that.

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Monday, June 30, 2008

Dad tip #72: Beware the over-tired baby

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Smiling happy kid
Uh oh, awake for too long
Cranky crying kid


Friday, June 27, 2008

Dad tip #69: Beware the drooling baby

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Gallons of baby drool
Slime covers every surface
Like in Ghostbusters
Hmm, I suppose there was no real advice in that haiku. So, let me add that it would be a really good idea to keep burp cloths in the nursery, the living room, wherever you feed your baby, and anywhere else that your baby spends significant time.

I'd also like to mention that I was originally looking for a screencap of the scene in Ghostbusters at the library where they find the card catalog covered in slime and Peter Venkman (Bill Murray) says "Someone blows their nose and you want to keep it?" But, I couldn't find one and anyway, snot and drool are two different things.

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Thursday, June 26, 2008

Dad tip #68: Beware the spoon-holding baby

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Spoonful of mashed peas
In baby's hand, baby's mouth...
On hair, chair, and floor!


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Dad tip #66: Beware the grabbing baby

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Reach, grab, make a mess
Octopi have fewer arms
What? Human babies.


Thursday, June 19, 2008

Dad tip #61: Beware teething babies

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Tiny Sarlacc pit
With no teeth on baby's face
Toothless bites still hurt
Okay, I don't know definitively that our baby boy is teething or even close to teething right now. However, he has been more and more inclined to actively gum/chew anything he can put in his mouth as opposed to just passively drooling on it.

Also, with his coordination improving every day, he's able to grab my fingers and jam them into his mouth and then ... CHOMP!!! Now, those toothless baby bites are REALLY starting to hurt.

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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Dad tip #60: Beware flailing babies

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Chubby arm-windmills
"If do right, no can defend!"
Bye-bye daddy's teeth
I've previously copped out of writing full posts by warning fathers of head-butting babies and kicking babies with haikus. I'm being a lame-o tonight because I'm preparing to attend the parade in Boston tomorrow celebrating the Celtics' 17th NBA Championship!

And yes, I realize that I quoted Mr. Miyagi from the first Karate Kid when I'm obviously thinking of Daniel LaRusso's movie-ending "drum technique" from Karate Kid II. I figured it was close enough to get the point across. Anyway, I'll be the first to admit that I'm always looking for a cheap excuse to lift quotes from Karate Kid.

P.S. The Celtics TOTALLY squished the Lakers like grapes (131-92).

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Saturday, June 7, 2008

Dad tip #49: Suck it up and just deal with the drool

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a (crappy) sonnet:
I see your face glistening in the light,
Your mouth covered in mom's breast milk and drool.
From morn and breakfast to dinner and night,
On your high-chair tray the liquids do pool.
Your two hands, they constantly move and spread,
Much like wings distributing joy so moist.
Drool passes swift from mouth to hands to head
And back to your mouth with coos so well voiced.
Your shirt, your pants, and your bib will be soaked.
Somehow, my clothes will also be drool drenched.
Drool flows freely all around unprovoked.
It is all because you need your thirsts quenched.
For my son's comfort I'll get him re-dressed.
Drool bothers me naught for he is the best.
Yeah, I'm totally going back to haikus the next time I do something like this. In case you didn't get the point, babies drool and you just need to deal with it.

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Sunday, June 1, 2008

Dad tip #43: Beware kicking babies

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
The legs kick kick kick
Your cute baby laughs and smiles
Kickball is not fun
The other lesson here is that babies are generally stronger than you think and can easily and accidentally inflict some pain.


Saturday, May 31, 2008

Dad tip #42: Beware head-butting babies

Tonight's advice will be in the form of a haiku:
Head-butting babies
They are shockingly common
Shield your proboscis
The end.