Sunday, August 10, 2008

Dad tip #113: Babies are like ... Play-Doh Fun Factories

Tonight's advice is the second in a series of "Babies are like" posts. The first post in the series compared babies to drunks, and had a virtual laundry-list of reasons why they're alike.

This post, on the other hand, will only have one REALLY GOOD reason why babies are like Play-Doh Fun Factories. Have you ever watched a commercial for the Play-Doh Fun Factory or ever watched one in action live? If you have, then prepare yourself for the very real possibility that you'll seeing something very similar during a diaper change.

I'm not referring to an ordinary diaper change. I'm referring to one where your child suddenly decides that they're not done pooping yet (mid-diaper change) and starts squeezing out as much additional poo as they can produce. If this scenario were to read like a GRE analogy it would look like:
Play-Doh : Fun Factory :: Poop : Your kid's butt-hole
So, the advice is, very simply, be prepared for it.

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Dad tip #108: Babies are like ... drunks!

For a while now, I've been doing a series of "Beware the __blanking__ baby" posts in the form of haikus. Tonight's advice starts a new series of "Babies are like" posts where I'll compare babies to just about anything I can think of. Before I begin, I'd like to give credit where it's due and acknowledge that the basic idea was inspired by my wife and that tonight's edition comes straight out of my wife's mouth. In fact, she said:
"It's weird. Babies are like drunks. You can't understand them. They pee themselves. And you just want them to go to sleep!"
The main advice that I sort of take out of this is more along the lines of, "You can't reason with a drunk or with a baby, so you just have to suck it up and deal with it from time to time." That said, we came up with some other interesting similarities between drunks and babies:
  • You sometimes find them in parks.
  • Both have terrible senses of balance.
  • They'll get whatever they're eating or drinking all over themselves.
  • People call and ask how they're doing.
  • You might have an inclination to take embarrassing pictures of them.
  • You'll find them riding in the back seats of cars. In the case of drunks: police cars.
And yes, we realize some of these tidbits are more closely aligning babies with full-blown alcoholics, but they're still kind of true (and funny).